Elul 2

Why is it that many times when I try to do Teshuvah and come closer to Hashem, I find myself falling lower than before? Why do I find myself tripping up on nisyonos which only a short while ago I would never have dreamt of falling into?

Tzaddikim have revealed to us the inner workings of our world. In their words, we find a parable which shine light on this issue.

In many places in the world we find that the water, although seemingly clear, is really "stony", full of minerals and such. But when you first look at it, it seems clear. It is only after it's boiled do the minerals rise to the top, and then someone has to stand by the pot taking off the layers of minerals which develop on top.

So too, even though we might think that we're okay, there really lies inside of us potentially harmful middos and tavos. Only when we light within us a fire of kedusha, does the heat cause all the "minerals" to rise up. All of a sudden, I discover that I do have the potential of getting angry and upset. I realize that I do have ta'avos.

But instead of getting disappointed, now is the time to stand by the flame and start removing the stones. Say to Hashem, "Thank you for letting me know what my shortcomings are, only now can I start working on them!"

May Hashem help us to understand His hints, and truly purify ourselves before Him.