Sunday, August 3, 2008

Who's Searching?

Someone who read our first posting had an interesting comment (told to me by a mutual friend, not posted). He didn't understand how it applied to him, as a regular Yeshiva guy. As far as he was concerned, "searching" is an activity for Baalei Teshuva, not FFBs who are well established in their Yiddishkeit. What does a regular frum person have to search for?
I was asked to develop this idea a little further, to help us understand how every one of us has some searching to do. While this is certainly a vast and deep subject, b'ezras Hashem, I will try to touch a little bit upon it.
The truth is, we can ask the same question about the Bein Hametzarim. For many people, the hardest Avodah of the year takes place during these Three Weeks, the Bein Hametzarim. What exactly are we supposed to feel mournful about? On one hand, in a technical sense, everyone knows on his level that we are in Galus. But the fact is, that despite all difficulties, the fact that we are more or less living pretty well where ever we might be, makes it hard to feel it. It's come to a point that we've come to rely on "reminders" here and there to emphasize for ourselves that we are indeed in Galus.
The truth be told, even those of us who are strong in our Yiddishkeit the whole year, have a hard time when it comes the Three Weeks. "What am I missing?" is a common thought, even if we are afraid to speak it out. Listen, I'm learning pretty well, I'm davening and working on myself. Granted, there's no Bais Hamikdash, but what does that have to do with me on a personal level?
The Maggid of Meziritch zy"a once remarked כל הרודפיה השיגוה בין המצרים All who chased Hashem רודף י-ה catch Him by the Bein Hametzarim. This would seem to imply that it is in fact easier to find Hashem during these weeks. Even someone who the whole year has been unable to find Hashem despite all his attempts, during Bein Hametzarim, he will be able to. How do we resolve this concept with the reality which many of us face?
There is a concept which is mentioned throughout all Chassidishe Seforim. This is the idea that everything that has happened to Klal Yisroel throughout all of its history, happens to each and every one of us on a personal level. We each go through a Yetzias Metzrayim, we all have a personal Kabbolas HaTorah, and we all build a personal Bais Hamikdash, which is eventually destroyed, as we are plunged into our own personal Galus. What remains for us is to find ourselves in this cycle. I must point out that at any point in ones life, it is possible to be holding at more than one point of the cycle, but that's for a different discussion.
According to this idea, we might explain, that feeling the cosmic Galus is dependant on feeling the personal Galus. If we would be able to somehow tap into that feeling of Galus inside of us, we would be able to tap into the power of Bein Hametzarim.Why don't we feel that we are in Galus? Why are we, on some level of conciousness, under the impression that all is well?
Everyone knows that the Torah teaches us many Mitzvos, of which many of them are actions which we are obligated to do or not do. In addition, there are many mitzvos which take place in our mind and heart. There are midos which have to be worked upon, as well as nisyonos which have to be surmounted.
Usually, a person feels content when he feels he is living up to what he perceives to be his obligations in Yiddishkeit. That could even be a feeling of content when he feels he is progressing in Yiddishkeit. On the same note, feelings of lack of content stem from a feeling of not progressing and not properly fulfilling our obligations.
But there is something a little deeper than just going through the motions of fulfilling mitzvos, and even in developing midos and positive feelings in Yiddishkeit. There is the aspect of realizing where all of this is supposed to be leading me: Closeness with Hashem. Realizing how Hashem is with me, by me, next to me, holding my hand and leading my steps. Not feeling this is in some respects, to be far from Hashem. To feel this is to be close to Him.
This is our personal Bais Hamikdash, as Chazal have taught us that anyone who has deah- undertanding of Hashem- it is as if the Bais hamikdash was built in his days.
We all have frustrations that we feel from areas in our Yiddishkeit in which we feel lacking. We all have various ways of dealing with it. But what if we realized that the main thing lacking is that knowledge of Hashem? To realize Him even in our lack of perfection? That our feelings of content and lack thereof should not come from our feelings about ourselves?
This is an idea which needs to be developed, with sources etc., but for the time being, we can begin to understand a little what our Galus is, and why we don't feel it.
When we concentrate our Yiddishkeit on "am I living up to it" or "am I producing", then when we produce, we feel okay. What are we missing?
We may feel good about ourselves because we are learning, davening, working on ourselves, etc., but what about seeing Hashem through our learning and working on ourselves.... and even through our davening?
When we realize that something much deeper is at stake, then we realize, I really am in Galus. When a Yid feels that longing, that longing to see Hashem even when his learning is not up to par, and he is struggling with his midos and nisyonos, and davening is difficult.... that is on his level, the longing for Geula.
I know I have touched on many deep ideas in a very hurried manner. With Hashem's help, in the future, we will explore these issues in depth.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have tremendous diffuculty with this concept. It is the same diffuculty that I have when I think about Medrash Rabbah Eicha 4:1 second p'shat. Did these things not occur before Churban as well? A personal churban (to try to use the concept that your explaining) can very well be a death, a divorce, etc. It can also be other things as well. Did these things not occur before Churban? No one had kids that died in their lifetimes?

I honestly have no answer.